Berlusconi Has Radical Idea for Economic Growth: Destroy Everything

Meanwhile, Italians Wish for Competent Government

Rome, Italy – During a meeting with reporters in Milan last week Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi suggested that a civil war might be what Italy needs to jump start its stagnant economy.

“If we just destroy everything it will be so much easier to grow,” Mr. Berlusconi said.

The IMF and the state’s central bank have predicted Italy’s GDP growth for the year to be between 0.3% and 0.5%, a number that lags far behind the rest of the European Union. Moreover, consumer spending is down and inflation is rising.

“What we need is a good civil war,” Mr. Berlusconi said. “Look at what’s happening in Angola now that they’ve quit fighting each other. Their economy is soaring. People in Italy aren’t buying anything. However, if all their stuff is torched by a mob they’ll have to replace some household goods, right?

“Really any war would work,” the affable prime minister added, “but we still want to be on good terms with our neighbors. And Switzerland is awfully hard to invade. Plus, with a civil war we’d probably get loads of international aid during reconstruction.”

Upon hearing Mr. Berlusconi’s remarks many Italians are regretting their decision to re-elect him this past April.

“Are we daft?” Antonio Ponti wondered. “Can’t we just have a functioning government for once?”

Cynics predicted that Mr. Berlusconi, who owes his fortune to large media holdings, would send the army to protect his television stations and increase advertising rates due to higher ratings from the war coverage.

A spokesman for the EU said that the organization hoped Mr. Berlusconi was joking and would consider some liberalizing measures to open up the economy before encouraging citizens to loot and plunder.