Rappers Urge Export of Cash-Money Crops

Profit Windfall Could Be Boon to Poor Countries, But Not All Convinced

New York, NY – At a press conference yesterday in front of the United Nations headquarters a group of American hip-hop artists suggested developing countries increase their export earnings by selling cash-money crops.

“You gotta get that money, get them dollars,” New York rapper 50 Cent said.

The rappers presented a vague plan calling for fruits and vegetables to be encrusted with diamonds, emeralds or other precious gems in order to increase their market value. Jay Z, who is part owner of the New Jersey Nets basketball team and acts as the group’s economic advisor, said that adding gold dust to a strawberry would increase its price thirty-fold.

“We all know strawberries are delicious,” Jay-Z said. “Now strawberries can be delicious and a luxury good.”

Atlanta rapper Li'l Jon brought his diamond-frosted chalice to the meeting to demonstrate the concept. “A regular-ass drinking cup costs, what, a dollar? You add some ice and I paid 40 grand, cash, for this shit.”

Baby, a member of Cash Money Records which sponsored the press conference, said he knew “like 10 or 15 guys wanting a platinum banana.”

But not everyone is ready to endorse the scheme as the next Big Thing in poverty reduction.

“It’s a ludicrous idea,” said William Deavers, a development economist at the World Bank. “Where’s the money for the diamonds coming from?

“They are correct in that value-added products will bring a higher market price. However, it would be more feasible in the short term to consider a branding strategy or increasing agricultural productivity instead of bejeweling mangoes.”

The group did not outline how developing countries would finance a venture into cash-money crops, saying simply: “Don’t hate.”

Despite the questionable merits of cash-money crops the press conference alone was deemed a success by bringing together fractious members of a music genre often derided as socially and morally bankrupt. The group plans to make presentations at the next World Bank Conference on Developing Economics and at Bonnaroo.